I change?I don’t change much?I’m still the same old me?
Wakena ‘TAGGED’
How much have YOU changed in the last 10 years ?
April 1 1997
1) How old were you?
9+
2) Where did you go to school?
SK Jalan Residensi
3) Where did you work?
Huh?Who wants a kid like me as a worker?
4) Where did you live?
My home sweet home
5) Where did you hang out?
Nowhere exciting…At home mostly
6) Did you wear glasses?
Never before
7) Who was your best friend?
Jeslyn,Shan,Melody,Swee Win,Regina,Hooi Shan
How many tattoos did you have?
Lol..Are tattoos even a fashion at that time?
9) How many piercings did you have?
A pair
10) What car did you drive?
My toycar that needs me to pedal on-It’s green
11) Had you been to a real party?
Friends bday party-Shan’s…Wedding dinner?
12) Had your heart broken?
No..I was the happiest girl on earth.
April 1 2002
1) How old were you?
14+
2) Where did you go to school?
SGGS
3) Where did you work?
Not working yet..Mum doesn’t allow
4) Where did you live?
Still the same old house…Never gonna change-I predicted
5) Where did you hang out?
The malls,school and end up at home…Always,Everytime
7) Who was your best friend?
Jeslyn,Shan,Melody,Elashinee,Asyikin,Njunna,Vivien
Who was your regular-person crush?
Haha..Forgetten already.Let it be history as I’m attached now.
9) How many tattoos did you have?
Still goody-goody.None…
10) How many piercing did you have?
Remain as a pair
11) What car did you drive?
Under age
12) Had you had your heart broken?
Who cares?Im not afraid of heart broken during that age.
April 1 2007
1) How old are you?
19+
2) Where do you work?
Not workin this year.But tried working before already-SHOEPOINT
3) Where do you live?
Scroll up and you’ll know Im living in the same place
4) Do you wear glasses?
Strong eyes…But not perfect.Just good enough that i don’t have to wear glasses
5) Where do you hang out?
Malls,Penang Buddhist Association,library,Shan’s house,McD,my bb’s place…and etc
6) Who is your best friend?
Jeslyn,Melody,Elashinee,Bentengz-Shan,Swee Win,Ping Ping,Jas Lyn,Yi Lin,Wan Mei, Annie and Ngiap Ai and perhaps some that I left out…
7) Do you talk to your old friends?
Yes.Of course.With cellphones around,no excuses not to.
How many piercing do you have?
Still 1 pair
9) How many tattoos?
No.Never.
11) What kind of car do you drive?
I don’t have any of my own.Driving dad’s Honda Civic
12)Who you wanna tagged now?
Haha..Anyone that finishes reading this.Yeah..It’s YOU i mean
Give Him Up Now
GiVe HiM uP nOw
Some guys are just not worth the heartache,
so if he does any of the following,you can start giving him the flick:
1.Sleeps with your best friend (or any girl for that matter)
2.Does something totally inexcusable like stealing money from your wallet
3.Behaves violently like slapping you or occasionally hurt you.He tells you what you should do and gets angry if you don’t listen to him;he hits you (pinches count too)
4.Tries to heavy you into having sex with him after you’ve clearly said "no"
5.Keeps staying over at your place but refuses to give you any money for bills
6."I’ve paid for the movie tickets just now,so it’s suppose to be your turn to pay for our meals,"said him
7.Tags along with you to every party or club you go just because to perv for other attractive girls
8.Never bothers to stay the night after you’ve made love
9.Puts down what you do in front of his friends.He puts you down even as a joke,which makes you feel bad about yourself
10.Called you a ‘ho’ or ’slut’ or some other derogatory term when he lost his temper
11.Made you break rules like curfews (if he loves you,he wouldn’t want you to be in trouble thou he wants to spend more time with you)
12.You’re always the one to get in touch with him,which makes you feel clingy
Still..It’s up to you to decide.Follow your heart.It’s not the list that matter actually.Only you know if you deserves crying in the night alone.Only your sobbing breaks the silence of the night.
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Getting To Know Myself A Little Better
I came across this quiz at www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx after being recommended by my friends.They’ve tried it.So, I thought it would be fun if I tried it out myself too.You know…Curiosity.Well,not really sure if I’m happy with the results but this is it.Check it out what it says about me.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
I usually make a big fuss when it comes to making a decision.Sometimes,I go to the extent of weighing the consequences of my decision-to-be.Lolz..Efficient problem solver?Not for my own problem I think.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.
Who doesn’t want a serious,smart and determined boyfriend?But..Not to serious.Or it’ll be dull.I don’t choose friends.I may be commenting on some strangers but if you want to be friends with me,don’t shun away.I do judge a books by it’s cover.I don’t like ugly covers on my book.By the way,is cuci mata about guys with my friends considered as judge a book by it’s cover?Besides that,I do aimed on pretty girls.And mind you,I’m not homosexual.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
I know I’ll never say the word "I love you" to a guy before I’m really ready and sure about it.It’s my experience.
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that’s why you’ll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Seductively?Do I look seducive enough?I mean I have to be really really hot and bitcy to be able to seduce or coax the guys.I don’t think I seduce people.But many a times I knew that I don’t stand on my ground.I’ve learnt my lesson.And I never wanna repeat it.Because it hurts not one..but three.
Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
I tell myself at times that It’s the brain that keeps you alive.Used it wisely and you can achieve dreams.Not the certificates.
The right job for you:
You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.
Taking up finance and banking is what I’m going for.Hope that is what’s meant for me.Sitting in a bank air-conditioned,a bank excecutive?Haha..
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.
Fingers-crossed…
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It’s time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Wow..<Shan..How true is this?> I’m not confident with what I am.I am self conscious.What more when I have people telling me about the way I dress and my face with acne.*Sigh* I wish I’ll be pretty enough in their eyes.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Yeah..I cried easily.And I may give cold shoulder to my guy without any reason.Haha..Pity him.He always said I should change that attitude of mine.
So..That’s me.I find this quiz interesting.Might continue doing it some other time for some other aspects.By the time comes,I’ll keep updating about what I find about myself here-in my blog.Till then..Hope you enjoy reading something about me.
Uncategorized | Comment (1)Allow Me To Be Boastfull-I’m Pampered
Wonder what I’m going to boast about here?Well,you have to keep reading to know exactly what it is.Things can never be more happening for me lately.I’m being pampered-too much,too often.Simply because Valentine’s Day and my birthday falls in the same month of February.
Let’s start off with Valentine’s Day.Millions of lovebirds anticipate this day to declare their utmost love for their better half.It’s a day to do things they wouldn’t normally do during the 364 days.It’s the day to do everything and anything crazy with only one thing in your mind-love.For many couples,Valentine’s Day is an occasion of lavish dinners,flowers and chocolates.Some may have spent a lot of time thinking abouts gifts for their boyfriends/girlfriends.Many might buy into the excessive commercialisation of Valentine’s Day.As literally as it is,mine was part of all that.What is highlighted here is the feeling of receiving flowers for the first time from your loved ones.Actually,I had never come across to think what if…I’m getting roses from him.He giving me flowers?No,it wouldn’t happen.But anyhow,he did gave me and I’m flattered like the wings of the butterfly(although the roses weren’t blue).The feeling ain’t the same like when you’re watching a girl on TV receiving a bouquet of flowers and be envy about it.It’s more personal.You feel it-real.It’s a mixture of shy,awkward,contented and loved by someone precious to you.Oh…If you burnt a hole in your pocket for spending over the budjet,don’t feel guilty over it.It’s going to worth every penny.After all,it’s just once in awhile.(Keep in mind,be moderate with what you can and what you have and not to the extent of excessive spending,ending up as a burden) Take it as an act of love.You’ll never be happier to be able to see your loved ones having their lips curled up.
Next up is my friends-Jeslyn,Melody and Shan Shan.After a long time being apart,we finally had the chance to get back together.And this time includes buying me my birthday gifts.It’s because that we are good old friends,there’s no need to fuss about what to get me.Although feeling a little guilty at first,I manage to get myself a pair of new heels and I love it.Later on,they treat me to a dinner.It was splendid.Touched…Speechless…It’s just simple words to describe yet it feels so complicated.How ironic.I’d like to thank them again.Thanks girls.
By the way,I received lots of birthday wishes through SMS.(Bentengs,BG,Elashinee,Ryan,Sher Reen…etc;I appreciated it) Some I never thought that will even know my birthday drop me a wish as well.Haha..Now that’s what I call little surprises.Cards by snail mail and calls too.(Seok Lee,thanks for your card) and (Jimmy,you’re the first to call)
My fellow friends of Floating Fort,gave me a handmake so-called bye-bye book.Actually,it’s photos of all of us with messages for me,on how they thought of me.It’s real touching especially the one written by Myzz LimeWire.(you girls gave me a wonderful memories of us.I’ll treasure it.Forever friends)
Well,that’s basically my 18+1 birthday celebration.This has come to an ending.Oh,not really…I had saved the best for last.My beau had secretly plan a small get-to-gether for my birthday.My close friends were invited along with some of his friends that I befriended.There was even a cake nicely lit up with candles awaiting for me.(Thanks to Daniel.Mind you,I haven’t had a cake for birthday since the time in primary)
Call me names such as boastful or say I’m lucky.Whatever it is,I don’t mind a bit because I’m proud of it.It may not be the kind of celebrity’s birthday bash,but it’s one of the best birthday in my life.I’m impressed and amazed by the efforts you took.It’s worth a mention…Choo Joo(thanks for making this happened) and to the rest who present themselves that night-Melody,Shan Shan,Daniel,Adelynn,Beatrix(nice bracelet),Hun Joon aka Edison,Dickson aka Nicholas Tze,Loon,Beng Tatt,Ben and the rest of the late comers.Thank you once again.It’s my pleasure.
Signing off,
*kwintesns*
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Growing Up
Life as a teenager is very different from a life of a child. As a child things seemed easy and clear-cut to me. I can still remember vividly that I used to ride on my dad’s shoulder around the malls.Those snuggling moments under my parents arm can now only be my fond memories. Nowadays, I’m whirling in contradiction and confusion.
There are numerous aspects of adolescence that i dislike immensely. For example in school, examinations are always looming threateningly around the corner. Parents expect me to do wonders all the time. Naturally, this puts a lot of pressure on me, so some days I feel like a rubber band, stretched to the limit, ready to snap at any time! At that time, I wished I could disappear into thin air. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pessimistic. It’s just the teenage options of avoiding. I even have people coming to me telling me that they are dying. That he/she knows that actually they’re having some sort of illness…like they know exactly when they are dying.
Being a teenager, I can also throw tantrums and laugh for no reason and still be considered normal because people actually expect adolescents to have irrational mood swings. Soon, I’ll be going out to see the world on my own. I will be apart from my friends as all of us will be going on our separate ways. I really treasure my close friends. I don’t think that I will be able to have such bosom buddies as I do now when I become adult because like all the other adults, I will be caught in the rigours of the rat race where relationships tend to get relegated to the background.
Yes, it is tough being a teenager but I am forced to live through my adolescence. I hope to learn from this so-called period of storm and stress and emerge a better person from it, like a butterfly coming out from its cocoon.
I have beaten odds to get where I am today.
I have felt some pain everytime I have walked another step forward, yet after having taken even one step back, I have known that regression and giving up were not options for me. I have felt emptiness of separation as I have friends leaving me and never will return.
I know how it feels to be loved, and I know how it feels when that love grows hard and cold. I have learned that one conversation can make or break a fragile mind and heart, and thus I have learned to choose my words carefully.
I know that enthusiasm is the key to everything and yet I know how it feels to completely lack enthusiasm. I know what hope is, and I rely on it as my last refuge.
I know how it feels to have something mean so much to me. I have experienced wrath, outrage and fury, but have still made it through the storm like a survivor. I have learned that winning is not everything, but I can’t deny sometimes it feels like it is the most important thing.
Above all, I know that all of this has made me ME. Some say life isn’t about the breath you take, it’s about the moment that take your breath away. Thus, I shall know deep inside that being a winner is not about whatever race faces me in the moment. I recognize I am winning just by pushing myself every day and by waking up each morning feeling blessed by the day that lies ahead of me. Through this I am winning in the most important race ever, the race I entered at birth-this race we call life.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Love Ain’t Nothing But A Heartbreak And Then Heal Again
[Author's note:This is a follow-up from Shan Shan's blog entitled "Unreachable Star"]
In a big big world when two people gets to meet each other,do you call that plain coincident or simply just pure luck?Or is it fate that brought them together?Start off as friends,having soft spot for the one yet couldn’t be there is one thing while being together but unhappy is another matter.Sometimes two people who are totally opposite stucks with each other.Now,do you prefer the former or the latter?
It’s okay to take a few tears now and then and just let them out but however,what hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say but then watching him/her walking away.Never knowing what could’ve been if you could change the past.Do you know the love you can’t have lasts the longest,feels the strongest and hurts the most?
Someone said love is blind but keep in mind that love isn’t a bed of roses.Underneath it all,you have the thorns.If you are not careful enough,you prick your fingers.Talk things out if you think you are taken for granted.Approach your partner in another way.Probably what you have been doing all this while is vague.Make it clear this time.A little bit of ‘manja’ and ‘merajuk’ will probably play the tricks for some of us.
As for guys,take care of her heart before she’s gone.Cherish her love.She might not tell you she’s pretending but she’ll let you have your fun.But when a woman is done,she’s done.And she’ll go just when you are needing her the most.
Never say “I love you”
If you really don’t care
Never talk about feelings
If they really aren’t there
Never hold my hands
If you’re going to break my heart
Never say “I’m going to…”
If you don’t plan to start
Never look into my eyes
If all you say are lies
Never say “Hello”
When you really mean “Goodbye”
If you truly mean forever
Then promise me you’ll try
Never say forever
In the end I’ll only cry
Love hurts.It hurts when you fall in love.It hurts when you fall out of it.Love make life worthwhile but it can also make you sad.Love is such an important part in our lives.It makes life beautiful or it can scar us.Love hurts because only those we love can hurt us.If love is true,you fight,quarrel and get to know the worst about each other.If love fizzles out,you hurt,cry and try to get over it.Sure love is not so simple…
Uncategorized | Comments (3)Dart In The Heart
This is from the bottom of my heart.I have to pour it all out this time.No more telling myself it’s ok.No,it’s not ok.I know I didn’t have to submerge myself into this problematic situation but believe me,somehow I’m affected.Like the tsunami waves hitting the shores without any alarm.
Who’s real?Who’s false?Is people around you are having two personality towards you?I’ve opened my eyes today.Seeing real people with real attitude.It’s embarassing but the truth is my so called ‘friends’ told me they actually HATED me all this while."I hated you since last time.Even till now."Darn…I’m dumbfounded."Oh really?Me too.I hated you as well",I answered casually to hide the broken heart of mine.Though I knew it all along,it still hurts inside.The truth does hurt.And I mean it.Experience it yourself one day and you’ll know exactly how I feel.
Maybe you think I’m just being too sensitive but let me tell you that you are wrong.I’m clear in mind .Her face express it all,her tones is telling me that she is for real.Unlike some others that told me the truth in a less hurtful way.Am I to be blamed for the reason why she hates me?What have I done wrong?It’s just pure crap if your friends hated you.Why?Everything happens,happens for a reason.I know as well that I shouldn’t blamed anyone that hates me regardless of my attitude,my stuck up face or my wrong doings that I never realised.Maybe I never will.
Dear girl,we’ve been friends all these years.Have I ever lied to you?I know at times my words are as sharp as razor.Thank you.Because you’ve done your duty as a friend.To correct me.For a better me.Being so close to you,I never wanna hurt you.I just want the best for you.Putting you in dilemma is one thing I never wanna do.I regretted it when I realised that day things when out of control.If I could,I never wanna reveal those tears.I coudn’t hold it back.I’m sorry.
She wants you.She wants to be close to you.Closer than close.My existence threatens her.I understand.No hard feelings about it after this is done.However,curiosity stirs in me.I thought we are friends-we hang out,we laugh.Am I to naive to see all this isn’t what it seems to be?Hate me-Stay away from me.Don’t give me false hope that we are friends because I am all ready to be closer.I didn’t expect this to happen to me. I thought it’s only a scene written in teenage novels.You wake me up fom my imagination.
With a sigh,I end this with a quote,"A best friend is the one who can look at you with the biggest smile on your face and still know something’s wrong."
Uncategorized | Comments (3)Caught In The Middle
"You’re lucky that you have found the one.Be appretiative…""Mine is a total jerk.I have no tears left for him…"Currently in a relationship?Have you been in this contrast situation before?Are you really happy?Or you thought you are suppose to feel happy but actually you are feeling a little uneasy about it?
Well,a chance encounter at a party,even in classes in school can often lead to romance.Or perhaps in elevator stuck between floors too.Indeed there is no telling where people can find love.Some romantic relationships can take a while to get going.Often two people start off just as friends,with romance slowly blossoming over time.Yet other relationships begin with a raging passion.Then there’s something in between-the romance that starts off as a warm glow then develops a steady flame.Unfortunately,even the best romances can fizzle and die.Raging flames can be doused with time.Mr.Right can turn out to be Mr.All Wrong.
Often when two people came to the simultaneous conclusion that they are not destined to live happily ever after with each other,they usually break up with less or no hard feelings.However,things can get a little messy when only one party feels the need to end a relationship.
If you are stuck between two of your favourite guy,pick one and move on.Sometimes we just have to let some things go.It may be hard but it’s has also never been a good choice to hold on both and kept wasting time.You will just cause heartaches to them and yourself.Simple example,you can never hold on to two of your favourite ice creams in both hand yet at the same time enjoy both without worrying the ice creams melting slowly.It would be a mess.Unless your ice creams are in a cup.(You have control over things in your hand)
So what are you feeling now?Thinking of something?Whatever it is,the decisions is yours to make.There is only two ways to live up with-one:you still want it to keep going because you are afraid that you’ll start to miss him and your love still sparkles.If that’s the case,tolerate and try again.What is there to lose anyway?Two:if you just can’t stop yourself from ending it,then my advice-think twice.The words will be said out from your lips.You can never take it back.Even in courts,you have slim chances to win the case of denying the fact unless you have mental illness.(huh?Mental illness?Hmm..Before the breakup?Wow..So lucky to have found a guy that wouldn’t mind that and too stupid to let go.Hahaz..)
Regardless of whether you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them…it matters not.Because once they enter your life,whatever you were to the world,they become everything to you.You know your life is consumed by their love.
We love them for a million reasons; it’s a thing,an undescriable feeling.
Uncategorized | Comments (4)BOYFRIEND vs GIRLFRIENDS
On last Christmas,I did a very thoughtful thing.Usually,I’ll be the one bugging my friend about what to buy for my boyfriend.But this time,I bought gifts for my two girlfriends and one for my boyfriend.I never told them that I will.It was meant for surprises.After all,isn’t Christmas means giving without expecting anything in return?Well,at least that’s what Santa Claus has been doing all this while right?
The surprises did worked out for my friends.<Because they told me.I hope it was for real.That’s all I ask for>Wanna know what’s my boyfriend’s reaction on the other hand?Lol..I won’t tell but I think I’ll get a B+ <I think> Haha..
When this boyfriend and girlfriend issue come along,will one of them effects our relationship with the others? ‘It’s best not to date your best friend;that you will ruin your friendship and it can never be the same again’-How true is it?Well,I’ll leave that for you to tell me.
Dear boys,have you ever fall in love with a girl so deeply that it hurts?The girl in your dreams is just sitting right beside you and yet it feels as thou you are separated by miles apart?You cared for her so much that when she leaves,it’s as if a piece of the puzzle is missing in your life?You wanna tell her how you feel but you are scared of rejection?Sad..What is worst is when she actually have soft spot on your buddy!! Oh hell no..This is something we never wanna see in real life.Now the question is-How man can you be in this kind of conflict?
As for girls,this one fine guy appeared out of the blue.You both get along well.He brought you to movies,bought you gifts.And you knew that he always like you.Each time he look your way,your heart skipped a beat and your stomach fluttered like the wings of the butterfly.But you never say yes because of million reasons-ego,family,study,not ready to be commited,bla bla bla… You are so undecisive so you choose to continue flirting with the guy?Let it be you said?Similar to the question in the boys column,what if you had a crush on your girlfriend’s man?Is it a no-no?Will you let the guy come between your years of friendship?
This piece of writing is out to all.I’m hoping to receive feedbacks from anyone who happened to read it.Be it positive or negative.You can even share some of your real life experience only if you want to of course.Meanwhile,I’ll pray that the cupid will be careful with their arrows.*winkz*
Uncategorized | Comments (5)Unrequited Love
"Hello…?"I had just been woken up from a deep slumber by the untimely ring of my cellphone.I rubbed my eyes and stared in disbelief upon hearing the voice on the other end of the line.I met him by chance.Never mind that he didn’t look like the kind of guy I would hang out with because the fact was we were able to get along quite well-in an unexpected way."I need to talk to you.Can we meet in the park in a half hour?"."Yeah.Sure,"I responded,trying to be casual.
He was already there when I reached.Little did I know I was about to hear him confess his undying passion for me."So,you are seeing someone?,"he asked abruptly.Taken by surprise,I wait a moment to let the question sink in."Umm…I think,"I slowly replied."He don’t deserve you.Because I like you.I like you alot,"he continued.I turned away.I was confused than ever.I did hear rumours that we’re a couple but that was not the opening I had anticipated.
What had just happened?I stared at him,shocked.I was speechless for a long minute,my mouth attempting to form denials that wouldn’t make it past my throat.I tried choosing my words carefully.Crushed.I knew I had to leave.I had to get out of there.I had to escape.I had break his heart.I looked back at his eyes.They looked hurt.My entire body felt like it was shriveling up in embarrassment.I tried to change the topic to more light-hearted chit chat but I was too occupied trying to be a good conversationnalist.I requested to leave.
Things were never the same again.After some thoughts,perhaps it was partly my fault.Maybe I had said something or done something that he misunderstood me.I avoided him since then.Hurting him for once was more then enough.I sort of lost a friend but it would be alright.We’ll have a friendship again when he is ready.
If you’re reading this,I’m sorry.You cannot make someone love you,you can only make yourself someone who can be loved.If it was suppose to feel good,they wouldn’t have call it a crush.
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